Teachings of the Bard
by thewhitepatch
Summary: "Welcome to the world of Fire Emblem Awakening. I'm here to make sure you don't die in a stupid way. If you listen to me, your death will be heroic and dignified." A different sort of Self-Insert story.
1. Enter Ned

**_Now I know what you're thinking: "Why are you starting another Fire Emblem story? What's your endgame here?"_**

**_Well, I wanted to try something that was disconnected to Decruited and, after looking through a few self insert stories, decided I wanted to honestly try my hand at it. I wanted to explore some themes and ideas other stories don't really address or explore._**

**_This is a very, very different kind of storytelling. skips chunks of the story,, due to the way it's told. It jumps between the narrator telling the story and the immediate, first person telling of the story. However, the narrator knows things that the first person doesn't know, and vise versa. That will become more relevent in later chapters. Also, some of the stuff described in the first person isn't being described by the character of the narrator. It's stuff he's leaving out, but still happened. So I guess he's an unreliable narrator._**

**_Hope you guys like it!_**

* * *

_Welcome to the world of Fire Emblem Awakening. I'm here to make sure you don't die in a stupid way. If you listen to me, your death will be heroic and dignified._

_The first thing I'm going to tell you, before we talk about anything else, is that you shouldn't panic._

_actually, I would honestly be more concerned if you didn't panic. You're in a new world, no warning whatsoever. You can panic if you want to, but don't overdo it. _

_So you woke up in this new world. Maybe you woke up in the middle of a field, maybe you woke up underwater. The fact that I'm talking to you now means you probably already figured that part out._

_Wherever you pop up, odds are it's somewhere close to South Town. It's a pretty bland place, but if you know what you're looking for, it should be your first sign to where you are._

_Welcome to Ylisse. If you figured out that much, you should also be aware that shit's going to hit the fan in a bit._

_There are a few very important lesson you need to understand if you want to fit in around here._

_I'll tell you about my first time, just to illustrate my point and teach you these lessons._

_I had actually woken up in a pile of hay, like a sleepy Assassin. I was as confused as anybody would be. I eventually figured out where I was, but there were still a few questions on my mind._

_Why was I here?_

_Who was responsible for bringing me here?_

_When would I get to return home?_

_And, more importantly…_

* * *

How the Hell do I use magic?!

I looked up from the thunder tome at the approaching bandit. He seemed to know exactly how to use his sword, which didn't bode well for me.

I had a bunch of random crap on me. I was wearing a hooded cloak and light, stylish armor. It would defend me, but its main purpose seemed to be to look nice. I had a sword on me along with the thunder tome. Strangely, I also had what appeared to be a lute holster on my back.

The bandit ran in for the attack.

I threw the book at him.

...I panicked.

Well, it gave me enough time to draw my sword. It wasn't anything special, just a silver blade.

I felt like there might be some instincts somewhere inside of me that knew how to use it, despite the fact that I never received any training.

Like Tucker said, "Swish, Swish, Stab." How hard could it be?

The important thing was to make my enemies think I knew what I was doing. I smiled a cocky smile at the bandit, who was rubbing his head in pain after the book attack. I danced the blade in front of him, hoping to coax him into attacking me.

He growled at me, swung his blade and SHIT!

SHIT!

SHIT I CUT HIS HAND OFF!

WHAT DID I JUST DO?! I JUST DID A THING AND NOW HIS ARM IS OVER THERE AND I'M OVER HERE AND GOD.

THAT IS A LOT OF BLOOD. HE'S YELLING A LOT. I SHOULD HELP HIM.

HE- he does not want me helping him.

Obviously. I just cut his arm off. He might still be a bit bitter.

Before he can bleed on me or something in retaliation, a larger, much fancier sword then mine goes right through his chest.

"Are you alright? You seem rather skilled, although I'm surprised you only went for a crippling blow."

Ah, Chrom. Let's sweet-talk my way into the main group.

"Oh, him?" I said, looking down at the corpse, trying not to show how grossed out I was. "I wanted to keep him from thieving again. I wanted him to run away and seek redemption."

"Or he could just go and become a pirate or something." Chrom suggested.

"I suppose." I sighed. "It might just be honorable or some nonsense like that. Honestly, I kinda wanted him to tell people about me. Legends have to start somewhere."

So I guess that's what I'm going with, personality wise.

Chrom raised an eyebrow. "And who might you be?"

* * *

_This is a very important moment._

_The first lesson I will teach you is that first impressions are very important._

_It is your first impression to Chrom, and ultimately, if this were a game, the audience. Imagine what it would say of your recruitment text, or what it would say in your bio. I changed a lot from the main synopsis of my character I gave Chrom, but there were aspects of it that always stayed with me._

_When you meet Chrom, make sure you're putting your best foot forward. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to be a character to Chrom._

_It wasn't that I didn't like the person I was or anything. No. I liked him. He was one of my favorite people. It's just...he didn't really fit the role._

_There's a difference between people from our world and people from this world. People can be heros, sure, but, in the romantic realm of Ylisse, heroism comes easier to people._

_I think I did pretty well._

* * *

"I've gone by many name and titles." I said, dramatically looking off into the distance. "Granted, most of them were given to me in fits of rage, but I count them all the same. You see, names have power, and the more name I accumulate, the more powerful I become. But, seeing as you seem to be a respectable man, I shall give you my true name. I am Ned, Bard of the Eastern Coast."

To add to the image, I grabbed the lute on my back, posed dramatically with it, and played a few notes.

Huh. Doesn't sound bad.

A pause, for dramatic effect.

"You may have heard of me."

Another pause.

"...I'm afraid I haven't." Chrom admitted. It would be stranger if he had.

Still, I couldn't let him know that. As far as he knew, I thought everyone had heard of "Ned, Bard of the Eastern Coast."

"W-What?!" I spluttered, stumbling out of the dramatic position, before composing myself. "So I guess tales of my deeds haven't traveled this far…" I snapped my fingers. "What you lot need is an epic storyteller, and I happen to be the best I know!"

Well. I guess I'm going full Kvothe. Or a parody of him, at least. Once a theater kid, always a theater kid, I suppose.

Chrom looked at me strangely. "...Well, I suppose we are getting a few new additions to the Shepherds. Would you care to join?"

"I believe you already know the answer, sir!" I exclaimed, putting a hand around Chrom's shoulder. "This is the beginning of a story that the bards of the future will sing about for centuries!"

* * *

_...Don't look at me so strangely. I was having fun._

_As strange as the character I put on was, it's still a good example of what you should do when you define yourself. I gave myself a voice, a bit of a back story, and an identifiable character trait. _

_Besides, I was kind of right. This was a story people were going to tell. Hell, I'm telling it now._

* * *

**_So yeah, the story is being told like this. Hope you think it's interesting._**


	2. Ballad of Jeff

_**I was...floating.**_

_**It was like I was underwater, but nothing like that. It was like I was underwater, but without the water.**_

_**Obviously, I've never been in a situation where I'd have dealt with zero gravity, but something told me there was something different about this weightlessness.**_

_**I suppose I shouldn't be describing the fact that I was floating in a slightly glowing nothingness.**_

_**There were much more interesting things to describe, like the dragon.**_

_**Another thing I've never experienced before are dragons. There's always been a screen or reality separating me from the beasts. Now, up close, you could really tell how magnificent they were. It was completely understandable how religions could be formed around the likes of Grima or Naga.**_

_**...I'm not really panicking about the dragon now.**_

_**Weird.**_

"_You have been chosen, young one..." __**The Dragon said, in a much more soothing voice then I would have expected.**_

_**I tried to respond, but I could not find my voice. **_

"_You have been chosen to represent your world, a forerunner to those that will follow your footsteps." __**The dragon continued. **_"_This is a tale you already know. You have been given skill and improvements to succeed in this alien world. Now use those gifts to excel in it. Make your place in it, and you shall be saved."_

_**I managed to find my voice.**_

"Rewarded?" _**I asked. **_"What would be my reward? I make it to the endgame, and you send me home?"

"_You will be rewarded." _ _**The dragon replied. Before I could ask any more questions, he faded.**_

_**And I awoke.**_

* * *

_I'm sure you've played the game. It's rare that they send someone here that's unfamiliar to the world. You should already be aware of how large the personalities are of the Shepherds. _

_A bunch of unique characters like that, you have to be really careful about what you say around them. Each one requires a different approach. Some of them are easier to appease than others._

_For example, Lissa._

* * *

"_The noble pine stands alone/No one to see how tall it's grown/In its frozen home/So it stands in the snow /And the north winds blow/It's a cold little life here in Winters"_

I was sitting at the camp with Frederick, Chrom, Lissa and Robin. Robin seemed to be the default. I suppose throwing anything new at me would somewhat throw me more off course then I already was.

Anyway, they had just asked me if I could play them a song and, initially, I panicked. I had this lute thing, but I had no idea how to play it.

However, I had an image to keep up. I bragged about playing them a ballad, so I thought of the first ballad I could think of. Well, it had 'ballad' in the title.

"_And there's a boy all alone/No one to care how tall he's grown/In his frozen home/So he stands on his own like the pine"_

I was playing this song I had recently heard online, from brentalfloss. It was a cover of the "Winters" theme from Earthbound, a song about Jeff. It was sad and I liked it.

"_And as the snow falls down/It never makes a sound/Sure, it seems to fly around/But it's headed for the ground/This winter's gonna be long, yeah/This winter's gonna be long"_

I was doing really good doing through the song. The audience seemed to really like it. Lissa had stars in her eyes, Robin and Chrom both seemed relaxed, and Frederick was using the distraction to get rid of his bear meat.

"_And in his dreams, he can fly/A daring genius hero guy/With a dad nearby/But he wakes,/ And there's snow/And the north winds blow/It's a cold little life here in Winters"_

That was all good, considering the fact that I was freaking the fuck out.

I can't play anything. Never had the skill, never put in the time. Yet here I was, playing a fucking lute with more skill then my friends who actually put effort into this sort of thing. All I was doing was telling my mind what song I wanted to play and following an instinct.

And then there was my voice. Singing was the only thing I could really do musically, but I didn't sound this good, especially without practice. Hell, you should be able to sing this well without warming up first.

"_So will he live like the pine?/Perfectly still, just killing time,/In a slow decline/Or will he come to be something more?"_

The song was almost over, so I should probably start thinking up some bullshit backstory about it, to make it sound more epic.

"_Maybe adventure lies/Beyond the snowy skies/With a purpose and a friend/Waiting just around the bend/Till then he's gotta be strong, yeah/'Cause winter's gonna be long/This winter's gonna be long."_

I finished the song, and waited.

Lissa began quickly clapping and cheering.

"WOOOT!" She shouted. "That was amazing! So cool!"

* * *

_Lissa's the easiest person to win over. The only way to piss her off is to really try. Actually pissing her off isn't recommended. I would say she's the most scornful of all the Shepherds, despite also being one of the kindest._

* * *

"My lady, you must silence yourself!" Frederick exclaimed. "You'll draw attention to yourself!"

"But Frederick, that was great!" Lissa exclaimed. "Didn't you enjoy it?"

"I suppose it wasn't that bad." Frederick admitted. "Coming across a random bard is much less suspicious than coming across a random master tactician." He glared at Robin.

* * *

_Frederick is generally wary, hence the "Wary" name. However, in the beginning, you should let him go through his distrust of Robin. That way he'll forget about how suspicious he was of you. Just avoid him in general for the first few days. _

_Also, a great way to get on his good side is to go to his fitness sessions. Oh, they're hell, but it's really nice to be able to build up strength on your own. _

_Robin...Robin is a mixed bag. The thing about Robin is that Robin could be anybody. You can't even pin down what exact gender your Robin will be. Robin is usually always smart, so when you do interact with them, you should be on your guard. _

_Also, don't allude to the game story at all, even as a little snarky comment to yourself. I've seen Outsiders do that during the Gangrel war, only for Robin to remember their foreknowledge when their Grima connection was discovered._

_It never ends well._

_I guess I should mention Chrom, but you could have already guessed at this point that he's trusting to a fault._

* * *

Thing were a little tense between Robin and Frederick, so I figured I should lighten the mood.

"A random bard?" I asked, as if I was offended. "I'll have you know I'm the greatest bard on the Eastern Coast!"

"You keep saying that 'Eastern Coast' thing." Chrom noted. "Where is it?"

Shit. Let's BS my way out of this.

"The eastern one." I replied.

"There are a lot of eastern coasts." Robin said. "Which one are you from?"

OK, if Robin could cite amnesia, I'll use it to, even if I'd be lying.

"I'm going to be honest with you folks: All I know is that I'm from the Eastern Coast." I said, as if I was revealing something I was embarrassed about. "I remember getting on a boat, but even that's a bit fuzzy."

"...Didn't you say there were stories about you?" Chrom asked.

"Well, I'm a bard!" I exclaimed. "You could remove my brain and feed it to me for dinner and I'd still remember the songs and stories! Sure, I might not remember much about my personal life, but I can still entertain audiences everywhere!"

I'm really good at this backstory thing. It's fun.

Lissa looked at me with dramatic tears in her eyes. "That's...so sad!"

Robin looked at her. "...I have full blown amnesia. How is that less sad?"

"Because it isn't beautiful, Robin!" Lissa exclaimed.

"You're correct, my lady!" I exclaimed, dramatically standing in front of the fire. "It would seem the stories of my previous deeds didn't travel as far as I had assumed they had, but make no mistake! This story will be told about for ages! Starting now!"

And then, as if on cue, the sky exploded.

* * *

_The song in the chapter was "Ballad of Jeff" by brentalfloss. It's a fantastic song. You're all going to learn I have a weird sense of music. A lot of video game stuff and show tunes._

_Anyway, the beginning of this chapter was a bit vague. It happened while Ned was sleeping. _

_This is going to be an interesting project. I'm interested in seeing how well it's received. _


	3. The Man in the Mirror

_Now, I'm not going to patronize you. You know the story. If you're here, you know the story. Chrom starts a war. Emm dies. Chrom wins a war. Lucina shows up a few times, yadda yadda yadda, kill an evil dragon._

_I know what you really want to know about: You want to know about the people. I'm not gonna lie: The Shepherds are a strange group. Each of them have their own tick and whatnot. Generally, if you studied the supports, you should have a pretty good idea of what you're getting yourself into._

_Now, since I'm going to assume that you're sane, I'm going to say that you haven't studied the supports. No matter. I'll tell you what you need to know about each person you come across that'll be important._

_I already told you about the original three. Chrom's too trusting, so you don't have to worry about him. I don't really have any anecdotes about him. I didn't really interact with him in the beginning, so just as long as you don't cause any trouble, you probably won't have to interact with him._

_Actually, there was this one time…_

* * *

"Ned?"

"Yeah, Chrom?"

"Did you teach Lissa a new song?"

"Well, I mean, she was listening to me play earlier, but I don't think she-"

"_Something Something~ DEFYING GRAVITY! Something Something~ DEFYING GRAVITY!"_

"...She clearly didn't remember all of it. My sister's just like that."

Chrom groaned.

* * *

_...That might not be important to your story. Then again, it might be. You never know._

_I wasn't that accustomed to my new move set, but I realized that it was actually pretty similar Robin. So, when we returned to Ylisstol, I trained with him._

* * *

I fell to the ground, having been struck down by Robin's training blade.

Well, I think I figured it out.

In Fire Emblem, a Bard is apparently a slightly shitter version of a Tactician, which, when you think about it, kinda makes sense.

Robin extended a hand to me, which I grabbed.

"You're not bad." He says, slightly out of breath.

"Well, you're better." I replied. I'm pretty crappy at taking compliments, so I often deflect them into complements for the other person. I can tell when I'm good at something, but I don't want to seem too cocky.

...Actually, it might be more fun to act cocky. Fits the character, and since I've already started it…

"...Which is saying a lot, considering the opponents I've fought in my time!" I exclaimed dramatically. I'm not gonna lie: It's way more fun playing the bard character then it is being myself. If I'm going to be here, I might as well have fun with it.

"Well, regardless of who you managed to defeat beforehand, you seem to have gotten rusty. I think we should train together more often, considering our similar skill sets." Robin said. "It could be useful having someone around with a skill set like mine."

"Too bad you can't pass that brain of yours onto me…" I commented.

"Well, on the other hand, you haven't heard me sing." Robin joked.

I looked at the tactician. "...In the battlefield, I think the brain might be more useful than music."

"Really?" Robin asked. "I'm surprised you don't know any stories about music winning wars."

"Believe me, I'm sure the stories will come flowing out when there's a blade to my throat." I replied. We put the dulled swords away, as Robin tossed me a green tome.

"Ok then." He said. "Let's see where you are in regards to magical skill."

Crap.

I looked at the tome. How do I do this? I don't want to ask Robin. Otherwise that would bring up a bunch of other questions that I don't want to give the answers to, like why I was carrying around a tome I didn't even know how to use. I could probably BS a reason, but I was only trying to lie when it fit the character.

Maybe if I follow the same instincts that helped me use a sword…

I felt myself drawn to a certain page. I flipped quickly to that page, and I felt power rush through me. It was a though I had stuck an invisible arm into a well of air. I grabbed the air and took it out of the well. I noticed that I was glowing now, which meant it was working.

I aimed for the dummy in the center of the room. I took a deep breath, winded back the invisible arm, and threw the power at the target.

A powerful gust of wind suddenly came out of the magical ring that had formed around me and engulfed the dummy, blowing it to the ground.

"Woot!" I exclaimed, pumping my fist in the air. "That was good, right? That was good."

I looked over at Robin, who was examining the dummy. He hummed curiously, looking up at me.

"What?" I asked.

"...Let me see that tome for a second." Robin said. He put the dummy back in it's place. I handed him the book as he took his place. He opened the book and, in a flash of light, fired at the dummy.

Wind still engulfed the dummy, but, instead of push it over, it cut it up with blades of wind.

"See, that's what is usually does." Robin explained. "I'm not sure what you did, but it's a non-lethal attack. I suppose there's some strategic value in that."

...I suppose I should be thankful he's not asking why it happened. I don't think I'd be able to explain why.

"Well, that's pretty odd." I commented. "Any ideas about why I can't get all wind slicy?"

I was still pretty curious.

" I'm not sure." Robin shrugged. "I'm a tactician, not a scholar. I suppose you could ask Miriel…"

…

"...Let's not." I said.

"Yeah, I was going to say. She might take your hands for further study." Robin commented.

I couldn't help but to laugh at the comment.

I'm gonna bro support the shit out of Robin. It's gonna be good.

* * *

_So I figured out a few things about my new skills. You already determined what skills you wanted. You might not remember doing it, but you did._

_Any changes that happened to you since you entered this world were done solely to help you survive. Everything has a reason. Nothing is wasted._

* * *

I don't know if I was ever going to get used to lack of running water in this world.

Regardless, I managed to bathe myself. It was pretty easy to get back to my room. As gross as it sounds, this was my first shower since I got to this new world.

I had laid out my clothes before I went to take the shower. I had finished putting on my pants when I noticed there was a mirror in the room.

I walked up to it, curiously. I hadn't gotten the chance to examine myself since I got here, so I was curious about what changes had occurred. I looked at myself in the mirror.

...At least, I think it was me.

I first thing I noticed was my body. I was way more fit then I was at home. I was out of shape, but not necessarily fat. The man in the mirror, however, had the body of someone who traveled the land, got into fights, walked everywhere. It was the body of a bard. It wasn't my body.

Then there was my face. Again, I wasn't bad looking guy. I'm confident enough to say I was handsome. My face was more usually more of a circle. The face in the mirror, however, was more sharp, less round. Again, it was the face of a charmer, the face of an actor, the face of a bard, and not my face.

My face and my body were both pretty disjaring, but it was the smaller details that really got to me. I had accumulated a few scars and marks over my life. The body in the mirror, however, had baby-smooth skin. I reached and felt the back of my neck, where I knew I had a bumpy scar from when I was five and got shingles. A shiver went down my spine as a felt smooth skin.

The skin above my nostrils was usually a little red and would usually have flakes of dry skin coating it lightly. Not the man in the fucking mirror. His face was clean and shiny, not in a gross way, but in an attractive way. I hadn't shaved in a while, but I could already tell that, by the hair that was growing in, I would only grow hair on my face, no neck hair at all.

My eyes were slightly larger. The white patch of hair on my head was larger and, instead of being a circle just above the bangs, connected to my bangs and stretched more toward the back of my head.

My head was beginning to spin. I sat down on my bed, hands on my head. I could understand the combat upgrade. I need to join an army.I could understand the fitness upgrade. I would need to be fit to survive in an army. The old me wouldn't be able to survive in an army setting. I could even understand the sudden upgrade in musical skill. I was apparently a bard, so I had to do bard things.

However, I couldn't see a reason for any of the cosmetic upgrades. Well, I supposed I could see one reason. It was true that I was a rather OK guy back at home, but, compared to the flawless, hand-crafted figures of the Fire Emblem character, I'd stick out like a doughy, blemished thumb. Still, that didn't mean I had to like it.

I ran a hand through my short hair and look at myself in the mirror again. Yes, I had to accept this was me. I wanted to be the character of a bard, I would have to have the body of one. I didn't exactly like the idea, but I suppose I had to get used to it.

The thing I wanted to know was if I would go back to my old body when I got home, or if I was going to keep this one. I kinda hoped not. This would be a pretty hard body to maintain.

Then again, I'm sure she wouldn't exactly have any problems with it…

My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock at the door. I looked over to see Lissa, standing in the doorway. I guess I had forgotten to close the door. Hopefully no one saw me change my pants...I didn't even want to think about the comparisons I'd have to do with _that._

"Uh…" Lissa said, face slightly red. "Dinner's ready…"

...Right. So far we don't exactly have any of the hunkier Shepherds yet. The guys were attractive, sure, but they were all also either formal and polite knights, children, whatever Vaike was or, in Lissa's case, related to her. So I guess I was filling out eye-candy duty.

Well, in review, I was wet, shirtless, and pretty fit, so I guess you can't really blame her. And Lissa is pretty dramatic in her own right. It was like a preview to the Summer Scramble or something.

I ran through the three ways I could react to the blushing princess. I could flirt with her, since it would be in character. However, I'm not sure I want to go down that road with anyone just yet. Gotta wait for that right girl to romance. I don't think I've really reached any support levels with Lissa yet, so any flirting would make things awkward.

I could also chastise her. I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the way she was looking at me. I would feel better about it if I had earned any of the attractiveness she was looking at, but I hadn't. I was feeling kinda dirty about it. I suppose that's also more evidence for the first reaction. Still, I didn't want to be rude to her, since she technically has authority over me.

The third option was to act casual. It was a win-win. She could get her eye-candy, and I wouldn't have to make things awkward. Still, after this, I was definitely going to make sure I locked the door next time.

Shit, I should probably say something. I've been thinking about this for a while.

"You got it, princess." I replied, grabbing my undershirt off the bed. "So who's cooking tonight?"

"...Um…" She said. "...What was that?" She wiped some drool off of her open mouth.

...Oh, come on now. That's just obnoxious. I should probably say something.

"Look, princess." I said, pulling the shirt over my head, putting it on. "If you're going to be the healer of the Shepherds, you should probably get used to seeing . If this is how you react to me…" _You'll get a lady boner so large it'll be charged with trespassing the Plegian border _"...you won't be able to focus on your job when we're on the field."

Lissa's face lit up more, before settling to a lighter blush. "...I suppose you're probably right. I'm sort of more used to battlefield healings. If I want to expand into more general medical stuff, I'll have to get used to stuff like this, and probably worse."

I laughed. "Yeah, eventually you'll be like my sister. She used to be so grossed out by stuff, but, after becoming a nurse, she could casually talk about patients that just couldn't stop pooping at the dinner table."

Lissa grimaced. "That's disgusting!" She exclaimed, making a face.

I laughed harder, finally putting on my cloak. "Rest assure, that won't be one of the stories I tell. Not enough drama. Believe me when I say that I have plenty of fantastic stories to tell!" I exclaimed dramatically. Lissa, however, looked at me strangely. "...What?"

"Nothing." She paused. "It's just, when you're in your full garb, it seems your demeanor changes completely."

"Well, princess, I'd expect you to act differently if I had walk in on you without a shirt on." I joked, causing Lissa to blush again.

"That would be different!" She exclaimed. "What I mean is that you act way more...act-y when you're in you costume thing!"

I laughed. "Well, I suppose that's because that fits the character." I said to myself, as I got up and left the room.

"What was that?" Lissa asked, following me.

"Nothing!" I exclaimed.

* * *

_That last bit with the mirror is interesting. In regards to the narrater, he didn't tell his audience this part. He may have mentioned how Lissa saw him shirtless, but not about his insecurities and the mirror. _

_ I needed to emphasize how attractive Ned had become in comparison to how he looked before. He wasn't unattractive before, so he sees the cosmetic as unnecessary. This is the first time he has begun to question why he's been altered in the way that he has been._

_I'm going to try to write a little scene with each character, so Ned has a bit of a base relationship with each of them. Story-wise, this is Ned telling his audience what they want to know-about the characters. Like I said, this story's going to be told in an interesting way._


	4. Push-ups and Love Songs

**I know not much really happens in this chapter, but I think it's fun. I actually already wrote the next chapter as well, but I figured I could cut it in half.**

* * *

_So the thing about Lissa is that, when you first meet her, she's going to be rather immature. However, as you go on through the plot, she'll become more mature. I've found that the change happens around Emm's death. This is her coming-of-age story, so keep an eye on her in case she makes some mistakes._

_Try to keep her alive long enough to get married. I like Owain. _

_...If you're planning on romancing her, well, that's more on you. I try not to give romantic advice. Those sort of things seem to vary from person to person. _

_I've already told you a few things about Frederick, but there is one important fact that you should never forget. Get this carved in your face. Or, actually, don't. That would be pretty hard to see._

_Never. EVER. Work. Out. With. Him._

* * *

Everything hurts and I'm dieing.

"Ned!" Frederick exclaimed, looking toward the back of the group of soldiers as they began their third round of push-ups. "You're falling behind!"

Well, my arms are done. Ominous body improvements or not, there was only so much a man could take. I fell on the ground, ready to die.

The armored foot in front of my face wasn't going to let that happen.

"Ned!" Frederick growled. "You have to keep up if you wish to serve the Shepherds to your fullest!"

"Everything hurts and I'm dying." I told him, looking up at him, hoping he would take pity on my exhausted soul.

Frederick is a cruel god. "You'll certainly be dead if you do this in the middle of battle."

"I can accept that." I said, not moving. "And so I valiantly die in battle, and that would be my story."

"A pitiful ending, if you ask me." The knight commented. I glared at him, rolling off of my stomach and sitting up.

"Wanna know what's a worse ending?" I sarcastically asked. "Me dying in the middle of training."

Frederick smirked to himself. "It is interesting to see how much work it takes for you to lose all you flowery talk."

"I prefer the term 'theatrical.'" I said. "Virion is far more flowery than I. What if...what if I entertained the soldiers while they worked out?"

"This is an army, not a theater." Frederick said, annoyed.

"Actually, I've found in my experience that people feel more encouragement when they hear music." I said. Sure, I was talking about iPods in a gym, but I'm pretty sure the same principle applies to medieval armies.

Frederick eyed me suspiciously. "Are you sure you aren't just saying this to get out of training?"

"Probably, but I've been working with Robin, so that should cover it." I get the feeling I won't be that physical of fighter, so I might as well figure out some support stuff. Maybe music works the same way dancers do.

Frederick still looked at me, before sighing. "Very well. It's clear this is your first time working with an army. This amount of training probably would kill you." He waved his hand toward the barracks. "You can call it a day for now. However, know that, in a few weeks, you'll be at the level of training to this extent."

"Well, I suppose that's something to look forward to." I commented, stretching out.

* * *

_I know what you're thinking. "Why are you complaining about Frederick's training when you found a way out of it?"_

_Well…_

* * *

"_You must be swift as a coursing river!/ With all the force of a great Typhoon!/ With all the strength of a raging fire!/ Mysterious as the dark side of-"_

"NED!"

* * *

_Turns out the Great Knight isn't a Disney fan._

_Anyway, since we mentioned him, Virion was pretty easy as well. He's got his own things going on, so he'll be trying to get along with you more then you'll have to get along with him. _

_He did commission me once to play a song for him in his attempts to woo Sully. I think it went well._

* * *

"My beloved Sully-" Virion said, bowing to Sully.

"Ruffles." She said to Virion. "Music Guy." She said to me.

"Greeting, Sully." I said, sitting down on a nearby bench and taking out my lute. "Virion here has commissioned me to dedicate a song to you in his name."

"...Can you not?" She asked, glaring at the archer.

"No refunds!" I exclaimed before he could respond. "Let's go!"

I strummed a few strings, making a pleasant sound. I thought of the song I wanted to play and, as if it were a reflex, my hands began to strum the lute and my voice began to sing.

"_Words are what I use to describe the way I feel about you/ You got eyes inside of your eyeholes,/ you got lips in front of your teeth/You got mase, in other ways, just another way to say what /I'm trying to say, yeah"_

Virion and Sully looked at me, confused as I went on.

"_Baby when we kiss, it's like your lips are touching mine/When I hold your hand, it's like my hand is holding yours/ I wrap my arms around you because that's the only way /I know how to have you in my arms"_

Sully shot Virion a glare, causing his look of confusion to turn into on of panic.

"_And we'll always be together/If we're never apart/I'm as sure as I can be, you got hair, skin and feet/Baby baby baby you used to be a baby baby baby/And the way you drive me crazy/__Well it's making me-"_

"Ned!" Virion hissed at me. "I do believe that is enough of that!"

"What is with you Shepherds and not letting people finish their songs?" I asked, stopping the song.

"That song wasn't about anything!" Virion exclaimed. "You were just listing body parts! You forwent elaborating on any of Lady Sully's magnificent features."

"I actually thought it was a somewhat funny." Sully commented.

"Really?" Virion and I both asked. It was kinda an alternate comedy song, which is a genre I know isn't for everybody.

"Yeah. I always hear random saps writing love songs about some dainty maidens."

Sully said. "It's nice to hear someone showing them how stupid that crap is."

"It was Virion's idea." I said.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "I would never-" I elbowed him in the ribs. "I-I mean, yes, I do have quite a sense of humor. After realizing how much you detested my old direction in displaying my affection toward you, Ned here showed me several songs that would appropriately parody the act of courtship, one that I know you tire of, and I selected one that I thought would best parody it."

"Really?" Sully said, skeptically. "Tell ya what: I have to finish training, then maybe you can tell me a few jokes, alright?"

"I-indeed!" Virion exclaimed. "That would be most excellent! I shall bring my comedic prowess!"

Sully nodded and headed toward the training grounds. Virion quickly turned to me, surprised.

"How did you know that would work?" He asked.

"Virion, I'm a bard." I replied, cockily. "Not to kiss and tell, but I know my way around a woman's heart." That wasn't completely a lie. While I wasn't one for serially seducing woman, I did have a girlfriend before I was sent to this world.

I wonder if she'll believe me when I tell her about my time here…

Anyway, I was mainly trying to mess with Virion, but I love the idea of attempting to troll someone, then using said trolling to make the person look more impressive.

"Well, you have my thanks, my friend!" Virion replied. "Now, do you suppose you could tell me a few jokes?"

"Virion, my friend," I said, "if you want to actually have something with Sully, you should build up your relationship from here. Use your own jokes to woo her."

"I suppose you're right." Virion said. "Well, I suppose I must be off. Never keep a lady waiting, right, my friend?"

"Right." I replied. "Godspeed, friend." I raised two fingers to my head and saluted him.

* * *

_I actually like Virion, although he is lucky I didn't go with "Bitches Ain't Shit" for the song._

* * *

**So the two songs used in this chapter were "I'll make a man out of you" from Mulan, and "Sappy Love Song" By Hard n' Phirm.**

**I thought I might as well do some bounding stuff for a chapter. Two chapters from now, I'm introducing another aspect to the story that you don't really see in, well, a lot of Fire Emblem stories. So look forward to that.**


	5. The Garden

**Hello, readers of the future! This is the halfway point of Lent and, since I already had this chapter written, I figured I might as will post it! I'm writing this intro the same day I posted the Fixer Upper chapter, so all I really have to do is post it. I'm sure that, by Easter, I'll be squirming to write a new chapter of something. This will somewhat mess up my posting order, but whatever.**

* * *

_I suppose Stahl, Vaike, and Miriel are next. Stahl is probably the easiest person in the army to get along with. I don't really have to give you any advice about him other than to not trust him with any food. I assume you could have figured that out for yourself._

_There might be some exceptions._

* * *

As I glared at Stahl, I realized, to my pleasure, there were somethings that would never change about me.

"Stahl." I said calmly. "Drop the cake."

God, if I'm like this with Stahl, shit's gonna get real when Gaius comes along.

Stahl made some sort of noise. It was kinda hard to tell, given the fact that his mouth was full of cake. In one hand he was holding a slice of the cake, while he was actually holding the cake in the other.

I wouldn't be as concerned if it was any cake. I wouldn't give a shit about it if it was strawberry or any sort of fruit cake. I'd let it slide if it was a vanilla cake. I'd be bothered if he was hogging a chocolate cake.

However, somehow, someone made a red velvet cake, cream frosting and all. I didn't even know people could make those back then, but apparently someone did.

The second I saw it in the market, I knew I would have to splurge on it. I assumed that it would be safe since Gaisu wasn't a part of the crew yet. I left it in the kitchen and quickly went to the bathroom.

I left it alone for five minutes, and now that average mother fucker was going to eat all of it.

Luckily, he slowly put the rest of the cake down. He quickly swallowed the chunk that was in his mouth.

"Sorry." He said guiltily. "I thought is was for everyone. I didn't think one person would need an entire cake."

Man, when he says it like that…

"Of course I was gonna share with others." I said. "I'm not going to eat an entire cake by myself." I began to cut the cake into pieces using a knife I had taken out earlier.

"Oh!" Stahl exclaimed happily. "Yeah, what kind of person would do that?"

"...Weren't you just about to…?" I asked, somewhat confused, before decided I didn't feel like questioning the logic of a munchy-obsessed Shepherd.

* * *

_Here's something else you should probably keep in mind: if you have some small quirks, they will probably become somewhat exaggerated when you enter this world. I think that's in order to help you fit in more. Some people become more pissy, others become more annoying. As you can tell from this story, I became somewhat more theatrical, along with a nasty sweet-tooth. So, yeah, watch out for that._

_I would suggest talking to Miriel as little as possible. We both have a commonplace, twenty first century basic understanding of the world, so you might have a scientific understanding of something Miriel doesn't. When she sinks her teeth into something, it can get annoying._

_For example, she spent two whole days trying to probe me for information about my unique wind magic abilities._

* * *

"I really wish I could tell you more, Miriel." I said tossing an apple up and down. Using a wind tomb, I accelerated the height of the apple slightly, as well as slowly let it down to my hand.

"According to modern air magic studies, that apple should be in shreds." She said, watching the apple fall slowly. She switched between watching the apple and watching me, as I slowly rotated my hand under the apple, making a small, crappy-looking tornado under the apple.

"Well, it's not." I said. "Who knows, maybe I could use this magic to fly."

Wait. I just said that out-loud. In front of Miriel.

Crap.

The look in her eyes was...uncomfortable.

"Vaike!" She shouted, surprisingly loudly. "I need you for an experiment!"

"Teach is on it!" His voice echoed through the barracks.

* * *

_Long story short, Vaike nearly broke his arm and Miriel decided the best way to study my magic was just through observation._

_Vaike's also harmless. Just make sure you don't antagonize him. He won't hurt you or anything. He can just get really annoying if he decides to make you his new rival. I've seen it happen to other Outsiders._

_Now seems like a good time to tell you about my encounter with my-_

_Oh! Wait! Almost forgot!_

_Emm! I forgot to tell you about Emm!_

* * *

"Take this sinking boat and point it home/ We've still got time/ Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice/You'll make it now."

There wasn't really anything going on today, so I decided to go to the castle. Everyone was taking a personal day. Hell, I think some of the Shepherds were going on dates.

I wasn't, so I decided I wanted to listen to some music. Granted, I couldn't listen to any music exactly, but, due to some cosmic power-up, I was able to play any song from my world. I could just listen to myself play, and it got the job some.

I had found a nice spot in the royal garden and played some show tunes.

"Falling slowly, eyes that know me/And I can't go back/Moods that take me and erase me/ And I'm painted black/You have suffered enough/And warred with yourself/It's time that you won..."

I felt myself stop playing.

I could feel someone watching me.

"Hello?" I called out. It was too early in the overall story for there to be assassins. Maybe me being here was tampering with things. Maybe I should go warn a guard about-

"Hi, Ned!" I heard Lissa exclaimed from behind me. I turned around and saw her approach me, followed by Chrom and-

Oh, golly.

"L-Lady Emmeryn!" I exclaimed, moving my lute off my lap and awkwardly bowing.

"Nice to see you too, Ned." Chrom commented, as Emmeryn smiled and Lissa laughed. I was kinda sprawled out, so I must have looked rather silly. I picked myself up and stood among the Exalted.

"So you must be Ned, the bard Chrom recruited." Emmeryn said. "I don't believe we've met yet."

Wait. I called her by name. I tried to think of a lie, but, gosh, she's pretty. Actually, if she were just pretty, that wouldn't be a problem. However, she also had a power air to her. It was like a combination of the Pope, royalty, and a surprise meeting with a celebrity. My brain was kinda in shambles trying to create a lie.

If the royal family noticed my spluttering and stuttering, they assumed I was just awestruck. Emmeryn kept her gentle composure, but Lissa smiled cheekily while Chrom sighed and muttered something about this happening every time.

Eventually I figured something out.

"R-Robin told me about you." I replied. "Although, to be fair, the symbol of your forehead gave you away, Your Grace." I said, pointing to my own forehead for emphasise.

Emmeryn didn't seem phased by my stuttering. Chrom and Lissa, meanwhile, seemed to be enjoying my distress, which made sense, considering how out of character it was for the bard I was playing.

"I must say, you are rather talented." Emmeryn said. "What was that song you were just playing?"

"Oh, that thing?" I asked, dismissively. "That was just a random love song from my homeland."

I really didn't want to talk about musical talent. I still felt weird about it, since I didn't earn any of the said skill. For my own comfort, I may have to change the conversation, before someone notices how uncomfortable I am.

...I'm about to make a bit of an ass of myself, aren't I?

"Your Grace," I said to Emmeryn, grinning. "Might I ask if anyone has ever written a song about you? I'd honestly be surprised if the answer were no, considering how inspirational your presence is."

"There have been a few songs." Emmeryn replied.

"Any of them good?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

Emmeryn paused briefly. "...They certainly put a lot of effort into them."

Well, putting effort into music isn't something I have to do. I quickly dismiss the thought.

"Well, consider that changed!" I exclaimed. "Know that, at some point in the future, I will have written a song about you that perfectly encompasses your character! You'll see your soul put to music! It'll blow your socks off!" I posed dramatically.

Emmeryn didn't seem phased by any of my theatrics. "I look forward to it." She smiled. "Would you care to join us for the rest of our walk? I would be interested in hearing more about your homeland."

I was about to jump on the chance to spend time with them, but then a thought occurred to me: This might be the last time they spend time together as a family. Soon the war would be starting and they would all be busy with their various duties. Not to mention Emm's death…

"I think I might pass." I replied, getting up. "I was actually thinking about hitting the town. Maybe try to get a gig at a local pub, make some extra cash. You guys have a nice day." I gathered up my things.

"Very well, Ned." Emmeryn said. "I Look forward to hearing that song."

"And I look forward to performing it." I replied.

I should probably start thinking about which sing to do, considering the fact that I did have a bit of a deadline...

* * *

**_The next chapter will introduce something I haven't really seen in other self insert stories, or actually that many Awakening stories at all. _**

**_The song in this chapter was "Falling Slowly" from "Once." I actually have a Borderlands story of the same name, which is a sequel to my first long term fanfiction, "Wayward Son." If you're a fan of Borderlands and want to watch me grow as a writer, check it out._**

**_See you in around 20 days or so! :)_**


	6. Poor Me Another

**Sorry it took me so long to update after that first big batch of updates. I was in the middle of a double tech week, with two shows in a row, and all of my papers for stuff was due in the last two weeks. We're going into finals next week, so I'll either be able to write faster or it might be awhile, depending on how stressed I feel about my finals. **

**Anyway, this chapter is pretty neat, since it introduces something I haven't seen a lot of other stories use.**

* * *

_I should preface this by saying that the next thing I'll be telling you about actually doesn't happen to that many Outsiders. In fact, in my experience, I'm the only one this happened to. They planned against with later Outsiders. I'm only telling you about it because I decided to use my story to teach you things and this happens to be a pretty relevant part of my story. Still listen to it, since it's interesting and it might become relevant to you. You never know._

_Anywho, we traveled to Regna Ferox. It's cold as balls, so make sure you pack up some extra layers. That's not even survival advice. It's, like, dad advice or something._

_I don't really have any marching tips. It's tough, but you'll have to get used to it. Just grow some balls and don't complaining._

_Anyway, we got there, had a few misunderstandings, got in a fight, and somehow won the fight without killing anyone. The entire turn of events was just as random in person as it was in the game. Just, like I said, try not to actually kill anyone. From what I've seen, the people of Regna Ferox actually don't mind dying in random battles. They would have seen it as an honor to fall in battle against the Shepherds. _

_Personally, I reccomend you hold back, since the people you fight may one day serve alongside the Ylissian army against Pelgia and Valm. Also, I'm not big on killing if you don't have to._

_After that fight, we were thrusted right into another one. That is, Chrom had to fight for Falvia for her...well, Khan-ship, I suppose. This is another thing that varies. In some worlds, the fight is between just Chrom and Lucina/Marth, and in others, it's two small teams fighting one another. Depending on how well you've showcased your skill at this point, you may or may not be chosen for the small group, if that's what happens in your world. _

_Remember, try to avoid killing them. Especially Lucina. God, if you killed Lucina…_

_...Actually, it's pretty unlikely that you'd be that powerfully by then. If you were, then that's gonna come back and bit you in the ass at some point. _

_In my story, the fight was just between Chrom and Lucina. It was quite a show, to say the least. A few years later, I would hear people telling tales and stories about the fight. Chrom and "Marth" had become fable among the people of Regna Ferox. _

_The interesting part about being a bard is how willing people were to tell me stories and legends they've heard, and how those legends tended to be connected to the Shepherds. I even heard one or two about myself._

_Given the context, however...I decided not to brag. The stories were interesting, nonetheless._

_After the fight, Chrom and Robin had to deal with some official alliance stuff, so we were given time to roam around the town. Most of the main activities to do in Ferox usually involved either fighting or drinking. Since I wasn't really one for competitive fighting, I figured my skills would be better set in a tavern._

_That's where things got interesting._

* * *

Well, this is...noisy.

I mean, don't get me wrong-I like bars, and I like drinking. I'm too Irish not to. And, since I'm a bard now, I guess there's some sort of attraction to performance areas. If I hadn't left my lute at camp and if there wasn't already a band playing, I probably would have gone up to preform.

Still, I suppose would be a good thing for me to hang out with some of the other Shepherds. To be completely honest, I always bounced between Shepherds. I would say I'm on my way to being a solid C-rank with everyone in the army.

That being said, this setting wasn't exactly great for bonding.

Some of the Shepherds, like Chrom and Robin, had to deal with the politics of the alliance with Falvia. Others simply opted out of going to the tavern for personal reasons.

To my left were Valke and Sully, who were both completely wasted, which wasn't stopping them from drinking even more. I suppose if I got drunk enough, I could join them, but I knew Frederick would have us training tomorrow. It's hard enough to run drills with a clear head, so I'd prefer not to do it hung over.

To my right were, strangely, Lon'qu and Stahl. I have yet to have a conversation with Lon'qu, and it turns out neither has anybody else. Stahl, bless his soul, was trying his best to start a conversation with him, but it was very one-sided.

I'm not sure which group to join, and, to be honest, I didn't really feel like talking to either of them. I could never classify myself as an extrovert or an introvert. On one hand, I liked hanging out with people. On the other hand, it was kind of exhausting. Sometimes I just had to spend a bit of time alone to, well, refresh myself. The whole bard act has made it even more difficult.

Know what? I think I'll just leave. The band's starting another song, so I'll leave afterward.

"_I_ _wandered in alone and blue /Sorrow breaks my heart in two /I drown it in an ice-cold brew /Poor me, pour me another." _A smooth female voice sang.

...Wait. I know this song.

Like, I really know this song. Even before the whole world changing, music power up thing, I knew this song.

I looked up at the band. The song was being sung by a woman in her mid-twenties, and an old man was playing the lute next to her.

"_Trouble won't leave me alone /Botheration dogs my bones /I guess I'll reap just what I've sewn /Poor me, pour me another."_

So it's a song from home. What does that mean?

I can think of two possibilities. The first is that this was someone from home. Another person in this strange world of Fire Emblem. It would be reasonable to think I wasn't the only one here...

...But the thing is, that would be an awful coincidence. This was a song from The Thrilling Adventure Hour, "a new-time podcast in the style of old-time radio," as it describes itself. It was a pretty popular podcast, especially after partnering up with Night Vale, but the I have never in my life met someone in person that was also a fan of it.

"_Heaven help this sad, sad soul /The bottle's my damnation /Cause what's inside it soothes my woes /So serve up some salvation."_

There was another, more reasonable explanation, and as I thought of it, a pit formed in my stomach.

What if she's my daughter?

It would make sense. If I'm a bard and I had children, I would want to pass down any of my talents down to my children, like all of the other parents do, in some form or another.

"_Sometimes the world can be so cruel /Nobody knows the golden rule /Take pity on this simple fool /Poor me, pour me another"_

I looked up at the singer. She was pretty, but that didn't really mean much in this world. Everyone was pretty. Pretty was almost as common as having a nose. Hair color was alway an indicator of heritage. So, hypothetically speaking, if she was my daughter, she would be the set daughter connected to me, regardless of spouse, since her hair doesn't match mine.

The problem was she had orange hair, almost like Gaius.

I don't think I'd have a daughter with Gaius.

"_When will this hurting go away? /I got no way of knowing /Sure hope that it ain't here to stay /So keep that comfort flowing."_

And another thing! Why would I have a daughter? I have a girlfriend back home, and I'm not an asshole!

...Although, if she traveled back with Lucina, she would be from the doomed timeline, where I arguable wouldn't have gone back home.

If that were the case, would I have given up? I can say right now I wouldn't, but I don't know anything about what I went through in that timeline.

...Gosh, that's a moral dilemma.

"_Imagine all the love he missed /His lips are longing to be kissed /But he don't know that I exist /Poor me, pour me another"_

The song's almost over. I could very easily ignore this. Just walk away and let her tell me on her own time. No need for confrontation.

...I'm going to go mad if I don't ask, am I?

"_Poor me, pour me another/Poor me, pour me another!"_

The crowd applauded as the song ended. The woman-my possible daughter- took a bow, and the old man waved, and the two of them packed up their things.

I was about to make an excuse to leave my group, but Valke and Sully had passed out in the middle of the song, and Stahl and Lon'qu had vanished.

Well, that makes it easier for me.

I got up and walked over to the woman, who was almost out the door.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" I asked.

"I'm not interested." She replied politely, which, in hindsight, I should have been expected.

"You'll have to forgive me, Miss." I apologized. "I'm not looking for any of that. I simply wanted to ask you about that song you sang. Where did you learn it?" I asked. I felt like going into the fact I was a bard and make a show of it, but I was still tired and I was looking for answers.

"Oh, that?" She asked. "It's a pretty song. I just learned it today. The lute player taught it to me today." She pointed toward the back door. "I think he left out there, if you want to chat with him."

I muttered a thank you and walked very quickly toward the back door. I didn't want the old man to get away, but I also didn't want to make a scene.

Now I had no idea what was going on. There was no way that man could be my son. The years wouldn't add up. It was ridiculous, but there weren't any other explanations.

I made it to the door, went outside, and looked around. The alleyway behind the tavern appeared to be empty.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Hi." A voice replied. I turned around to see a hooded figure with a lute strapped to his back. "I should have expected you would try to find me. This entire idea was risky." He sighed, bringing a hand up to his forehead.

"Who...who are you?" I asked. Everything about him was familiar, from his posture to his voice. I felt like the bard act wouldn't work on him, even if I had the energy to do it.

"Good question." He said, pausing. "Do you really want to know?"

"Do you really want to tell me?" I replied.

"Another good question." He said. "You're on a roll." He paused. "Isn't it funny how you know all the secrets that are going to be revealed over the course of this war, and you desperately seek out the answer to the one you don't know?"

"Don't give yourself too much credit." I retorted. "I just found out about you. It can't be that big of a mystery. I'm not that desperate."

"Fine. Maybe I won't tell you." The old man said coyly.

"I am very desperate." I immediately admitted, both to him and to myself. "Please tell me."

The old man laughed. "I suppose I can relate to you, in more ways than one." The old man paused. "I suppose I shouldn't keep too many secrets from you. The two of us know so much about what's going to happen over the next few years, so I might as well let you know who I am."

The old man pushed back his hood.

"Do you recognize me?" He asked. "You might not right away. I'd be the first to admit the years haven't been the kindest, and you have yet to get use to my face."

I didn't at first. He was older, and I didn't recognize his bearded face. Suddenly, however, it struck me like a ton of bricks.

"Oh God." I said. "You're me."

"Give or take 30 years." He added.

* * *

**The version of Ned! I think this may be the first chapter where the scene goes between two chapters. I could have had the older Ned keep his identity a secret for a while, but the story will be better for his open identity, trust me. **

**I haven't really seen that many self-insets have the future version of themselves show up. I suppose it is a tricky thing to work with, but I have plans for him.**

**The next chapter will delve into their conversation after this. Let me know what you think of this development in the reviews!**

**Also, the song in this chapter was "Poor Me Another" from The Thrilling Adventure Hour. I would recommend listening to every episode because it's amazing, but, if you want to hear a great version of the song, look up the Doors Version. It's fantastic, trust me!**


	7. Aries

_The whole existence of the "Doomed" Timeline could potentially make the whole Outsider thing a little complicated. Let me assure you that I don't show up to advise anyone who's in that timeline. _

_Sure, somewhere out there there's a version of you who's not getting my masterful teachings and will inevitably die, and just because you aren't in the doomed timeline doesn't mean you can't screw it up this timeline somehow._

_But, hey, at least Lucina will be there! So that's...that's…_

_...So, anyway, enough about that! Future me! Yeah, that's only a little existential crisis-y._

_So after I met him, we went back to the bar. The other Shepherds had already left by then, and the place was pretty empty. However, apparently future me had made a deal with the bar-owner to lodge in the upper room as payment for his performance, so we were allowed to stay._

* * *

"Do you want ice?" The future me asked, as he poured whiskey into a cup. "It's cold enough here, but whiskey does taste somewhat better with ice." He set the glass he just filled in front of him and poised the empty glass in front of me.

I wasn't really focusing on him, but rather observing his appearance. It's not every day you get to see what you'll look like when you grow up. His face had a few scars on it, but nothing too bad. His eyes the same as mine, but they seemed more tired, which made sense, considering where he came from. His hair was graying, in a salt-and-pepper sense, with gray and white hairs littered amongst the brown hair. It almost made the white spot on his head less noticeable. He had also grown out a short beard, which also had the same salt-and-pepper pattern. When I grow out my facial hair, I usually just grow the chin strap, but he had the whole thing, upper lip and all.

His cloak was a dark blue, as opposed to my green one. His armor under the cloak looked a lot like mine, but the more I looked at it, the more I realized it was made of a stronger material. I couldn't get a good look at it, but his sword looked strong and decorated. I bet it had a name. I would totally name a sword, that's a me thing to do.

His lute...wasn't actually a lute. It appeared to be an acoustic guitar, which is surprising. I must have been so distracted by the song, I must not have noticed what it was being played on. Do those even exist in this world? Did he make it on his own? Do I know how to do that? Do I know how to play one?

"Kid?" He repeated himself. "Do you want a drink?"

"Huh?" I asked, somewhat caught off guard. "Oh, yeah, sure."

Future me looked at me strangely, dropped a few ice cubes into the cup, and passed me the cup. "So, before you bombard me with a bunch of questions, I'm going to lay down some ground rules." He folded his hands on the table. "First: I'm not going to tell you any shipping stuff. I know all these kids and their parents, so I don't want you to fuck things up for them."

"Sure." I replied, taking a small sip of the whiskey. "...Tastes warm."

"Yeah, I figured you'd like it." He replied, smiling. "You remember that party at Fish's, when Denz had that Irish whiskey he let you take a few sips of?"

"It wasn't really that much of a party." I commented. "It was mainly a bunch of friends hanging out and getting drunk together. It was fun to see drunk Shields ramble about history."

Future me laughed. "Yeah. He cornered Mitch and rambled about some European war. And Bars was still mad at Bunker for dropping him in that group chat with his exes."

I laughed. "Or that time we all put a crapton of random people in a random group chat-"

"-And I kicked all of us out, leaving all those random people there!" He laughed. "Man, that was evil!"

"Hey, I did it more recently then you did." I jokingly accused him.

He smiled. "Was that a joke? Do you think you're funny or something?"

"I'll have you know I won an award for being funny!" I exclaimed, jumping on the punch line.

"You know as well as I do that was because all the other funny freshmen weren't in improve first semester." Future me commented, taking a sip.

"I'll take it where I can get it. I don't win a lot of things." I added, jokingly.

"Actually-" He began to say, before pausing. "Hmm. That might be a spoiler."

"Come on!" I smiled. "If it's not about shipping, you can tell me! We both know those are the only important things."

He smiled lightly. "There are more important things, but I see your point. You already know everything about the future, and, considering everything that's going to change, there's no reason for me to keep that a secret. As I was saying, we actually get knighted in the future."

"Really?" I said. "That's badass!"

"I know!" He exclaimed. "We had to make up a last name, though. I chose to be knighted as Sir Eddard Aries, royal bard to the Ylissean Royal Family."

"...So you were a knight and a royal bard?" I asked.

"It was kind of more of a honorary thing. It'll probably happen to you as well, so that's something to look forward to." He replied. "For example, Robin was knighted as well, but he was mainly focused on strategy stuff. Well, he was before everything went to shit." He added, his eyes softening and his gaze lowering. His mood seemed to sink, which was understandable.

"...You want to talk about it?" I asked.

"Not really." He replied. "All you need to know is that it was awful. It's not something you'll have to experience, so I'm just not going to tell you."

* * *

_You'll notice how my story telling methods differ from my future self's style._

_Also, to make this easier, I'm just going to refer to him as Aries from this point on. Saying 'Future me' is a bit too repetitive._

* * *

"Alright then." I replied, knowing how I usually acted when it came to talking about my feelings. I was great for a joke, but I always have trouble opening up. "So why are you here?"

"Do you mean here in the past of here in Forex?" Aries asked.

"Let's start with the past." I replied.

"I just sort of survived." He replied. "You know, you know stay alive long enough and know the right dragons, and suddenly you wind up in the past." He paused. "By the way,the children don't know I survived, but I'll reveal myself to them in due time. Just don't spoil it for them."

"Gotcha." I said. I wouldn't actually see the brats for well over two years, so that was an easy promise to make. "Now why are you here, as in Ferox?"

"Honestly, I just wanted to watch Lucina fight Chrom." Aries replied, smiling. "She's grown so much over the past few years. I'm proud of her."

"Hey, I thought you said you weren't going to spoil anything about the children, but you're spouting stuff about being proud of Lucina!" I exclaimed jokingly.

"Spoiler alert: You aren't Lucina's mother." He countered. "I'll give you a moment to let that sink in."

"But Chrom's so dreamy…" I joked, clasping my hands together and sighing, which got a laugh from Aries.

"Ok, easy there, Cordelia!" He replied, smiling. "Speaking of the kids, there are some small things I should tell you. No big spoilers, but I just want to make sure you know what you're getting into."

"Alright." I said, leaning back in my chair. "Shoot."

"First of all, while I'm not going to tell you anything about how we fit in the shipping charts, I can tell you that, since we're the last surviving Shepherd, we eventually take all the kids in." Aries said.

"Well, I mean technically Robin-" I began to say, but the way he narrowed his eyes at me made me think better. Right, this wasn't some fan speculation, but rather something Aries actually lived through. "A-Anyway, you went all Mother Hen. Anything else?"

"You can probably guess how all the kids view you, depending on their personalities." He continued, ignoring my flub. "The only outlier I can think of would be Nah."

"Nah?" I asked. "What different about her?"

"You haven't met Nowi yet, but you might remember that she and her husband died shortly after having Nah." He said, a distant look in his eyes. "In the original story, Nah was bounced around a bunch of foster homes, although she was never really accepted. Most of the time, her foster parents treated her horribly."

"Yes, and that's just awful." I said, nodding along. He raised his brow at me. "I haven't even met Nowi yet, so Nah's still kinda a character to me."

"She's not one to me, but I see your point." He replied. "Anyway, knowing all of that, I decided to screw that nonsense and adopt her myself. It was frustratingly easy to convince her first foster parents to give her up. They literally made me buy her from them. She was terrified until I explained to her that I knew her parents. From that point on, I raised her as my own. She spent more time under my care then she did with her own parents."

"...Huh." I thought about this. I always liked the idea of being a parent. I don't know, there's just something nice about being there for someone like that that appeals to me. Knowing that I had that kind of relationship with Nah was actually kind of nice.

Also, considering the fact that he said he wasn't going to tell me anything about how the pairing work out, it was possible I had another kid of my own…

Speaking of that…

"Hold on a second." I said. "Did you just spoil a shipping thing to me? You just told me Nah wasn't your child, meaning you didn't marry Nowi!"

"...Were you even considering marrying Nowi?" He asked, furrowing his brow. "Believe me, the character art doesn't do justice to how young she looks."

"I probably wouldn't have married her, but it's more of the principle of it." I replied. "Kinda like seeing dicks in Game of Thrones."

"It's not that you want to see it, you just want to know that it's there." He replied, remembering the philosophy I had thought up with my friends from home. "That actually reminds me. You've probably been so caught up with your new musical skills that you haven't noticed your new storytelling skills."

"What about them?" I asked. I've mainly been playing songs to everyone, but, now that I think about it, once we go to war, I'll have to start providing them with more subtle entertainment.

"Knowing you like I know you- which is pretty well- you were planning on retelling a bunch of old stories and movies from our world." He said, a knowing smile on his face.

"...Probably." I admitted.

"A convenient new ability of ours is the ability to tell any story ever." He said.

"Any story?" I asked.

"Anything." He replied. "It's sort of the same feeling of playing a song."

"Yeah, but aren't stories a bit more...vague?" I asked. "Would I be able to tell them any story, like a random play written by an English student, or an old man's crazy ramblings?"

"Just whatever you can think of." He replied. "If you only think you remember a little bit of a story, you'll remember all of it. It's subtle, but handy." He finished off whatever was left of his whiskey.

"Right." I said, finishing off my own whiskey. "Is that everything you wanted to tell me?"

"...Yeah, I guess so." He said, standing up, pulling a few coins from his pocket, and putting them on the table. "I'll get in touch with you later if anything comes up."

"And what are you doing in the meantime?" I asked. If Aries wanted me to, I could probably convince the Shepherds he was my uncle or something and have him come along with us.

"Make myself sparse." He replied. "I don't need to do anything for a while." Aries made his way toward the door of the bar.

"What do you mean 'do something?'" I asked, getting up myself.

He laughed. "I can't tell you everything, kid. You'll find out when you're older." Aries pulled his hood up and opened the door into the night.

"Wait!" I exclaimed, suddenly remember a really big question I had. "What about the dragon?"

He stopped suddenly, turning sharply and glaring at me from under his hood. "What dragon?" He asked, somewhat accusingly. It was a little startling, considering how happy and open he was earlier. He kept his secrets, but he was coy about it. In this case, however, he acted like he was threatened.

"You know, the dragon? The one in our dreams? Says it'll reward us?" I elaborated, pushing down my discomfort.

"...I have no idea what you're talking about." He replied, relaxing a little bit. "Sounds pretty ominous. I wouldn't listen to it if I were you." He waved. "I'll see you…" He paused, trying to think of something clever. "...I'll see you when the story demands it."

"...That's pretty cheesy." I commented.

"Shut it, kid." Aries replied. "I've gotten old and these things don't come as easy to me as they used to." WIth a passive wave, he left the bar.

* * *

_I'll admit, at that moment, it was nice to know that there was someone else out there, someone I could rely on, someone who knew me as well as I knew them._

_If it were common for outsiders to run into their future selves, I would add in this lesson: Time changes people. Time changes you. He may have known me, but I would eventually discover that I knew nothing about Aries._

_But that's getting ahead of the story._

* * *

**And thus we are introduced to Aries. It's was actually strangely easy to write a conversation between two versions of myself. It was like my usual writing style, but cutting out the middle man of character. **

**Anyway, the next chapter is about more Shepherds, so look forward to that!**

**Let me know what you thought of the interaction between the two versions of Ned, as well as what you think is the significance of what Aries told Ned, or the significance of what he didn't tell him.**


	8. Sneak Peek

**Sorry for the long wait. It took a while to figure out what to write, plus I was busy or tired.**

**Anyway, here are some more explanations on characters, as well as a look at what's to come.**

* * *

_Anyway, you probably won't have to worry about that stuff. I could have skipped it, but the storyteller in me needed to include it. If you want to focus on the lessons, just zone out during those parts. _

_Back to stuff that's relevant to you._

_I got a little excited leading up to Aries, so I may have forgotten to talk about Sumia._

_Sumia's a peach. She's clumsy, yeah, but just don't give her anything fragile. You'd have to try really hard to get on her bad side. I can't really think of anything to really warn you about her._

_I suppose I could tell you that she really cares about animals. As long as you aren't a dick to animals, you'll be in her good books._

_...Remember what I told you about exaggerated traits?_

* * *

"Hello, little guy!" Sumia cooed, petting the small dog in the center of the marketplace.

Dog.

"Sumia, you're a Pegasus knight." Robin sighed. "We have to get supplies, not pick up stray animals."

_Puppy._

"But he's adorable!" Sumia exclaimed, holding the dog in her arms. I promptly took the dog and cuddled him myself.

"Can we keep him, Dad?" I asked Robin.

"Ned, I don't even know what your training is, but you have to be better then this." Robin said. "And stop calling me Dad."

"Stop acting like one." I replied, passing the dog off to Sumia.

"Robin, can you say no to this face?" Sumia asked, as she held the pup up to Robin's face. The dog licked the scowling tactician.

"I can say no to your face." Robin said to me.

"What about her face?" I asked, nodding toward Sumia, who was doing her best puppy dog eyes. "She is objectively prettier than I am."

"You guys realize this dog probably belongs to someone, right?" Robin said, ignoring the adorable puppy.

"Really? Why would someone let their dog run loose?" I asked.

"No one. You just stole that dog from it's owner." Robin replied. Sure enough, I looked down to see a confused young boy looking up at me.

"Oh!" Sumia exclaimed, putting the dog down, who went over to his owner. "I'm sorry about that! You're dog is just so adorable!" She beamed.

The little boy looked at her with large eyes, before quickly running away, with the puppy trotted behind him.

"Great job, Shepherds. You scared a child." Robin said, deadpan. "Defenders of the Realm, indeed."

"Eh. He's just shy or something." I said passively.

"We were talking about stealing his dog…" Sumia mused. "We're also pretty heavily armed."

"All the more reason for him to be shy." I replied. "Now, let's go buy stuff!"

"Alright, but you guys better not get distracted by another animal." Robin snarked, leading us toward the marketplace. "This is the third time in the last hour this happened."

"Cat!"

"For Naga's sake…"

* * *

_I'm not as obsessed with animals as that story would make you think! I'll have you know that, sometimes, I can walk past a dog without making direct eye contact and saying hello. I'm a badass, after all._

_Back to Sumia. I know she came off as somewhat immature in this story, but she's actually pretty organized. If she marries Chrom, she really fits the bill of an effective queen. _

_Speaking of that, she and Chrom always have a pretty close relationship, regardless of if they get married or not. There's always some sort of chemistry there, and people tend to notice._

_Next up we have Lon'qu. He's a grump if you're a guy, and completely terrified of you if you're a woman. I know this doesn't really apply to you, but, if you were a female that wanted to approach him, you should do so in the manner of approaching an easily scared deer._

_I wouldn't say that we were friends, but we got along well enough. Our personalities didn't really match up, and I just kind of let him do his own thing._

_However, as the team bard, I was roped into some attempts to prank him._

_You could probably guess who was behind that._

* * *

"Ned!" Lissa exclaimed. I looked up from my poor attempts to stitch a tear in my cape I had gotten in the last battle (_I'd wind up waiting till we recruited Cordelia to get her to stitch it up.)_ The princess was dragging Lon'qu, her newly dubbed bodyguard, reluctantly behind her.

"What can I do for you, my lady?" I asked, dramatically waving a needle at her. Lon'qu tensed up a little. At first I assumed it was because of the girl thing, but then I realized I was waving something that could be considered a dangerous weapon at royalty. Frederick had debriefed the swordsman when he was assigned the bodyguard position, so odds are he was drilled in some of the more pointless parts of the job.

Considering where their supports go, that sort of diligence would come in handy later.

"Well, I was talking to Lon'qu, and he was saying that nothing could phase him, which I don't believe. He's been tense the entire time he'd be guarding me, even more than Frederick was. Something must be off about him!"

"N-nothing is off." He slightly growled, teeth clenched and face slightly red.

Oh.

She doesn't know.

I had no reason to know Lon'qu's secret, so I addressed Lissa. "So why are you coming to me about this?"

"I was wondering of you could figure out what it was, maybe have a little fun with it as well!" She replied happily. "You always tend to know these things about people. Maybe you have a song or something that could throw him off?"

I looked between Lissa's smiling face and Lon'qu's grimacing one.

This was a bit of a moral dilemma.

On one hand, I could think of ten songs off the top of my head that would make Lon'qu incredibly uncomfortable. I particularly felt Sir Mix-A-Lot calling to me.

I strummed the first few chords on my lute. Lon'qu tensed up even more the he was before.

On the other hand, I wasn't sure I wanted to make an enemy out of Lon'qu. I also wasn't sure I wanted Lissa knowing this song.

All of that aside, it would just be mean.

I sighed, and looked up at the two.

"Just tell her, Lon'qu." I said.

"It's not her right to know." Lon'qu replied, glaring at me.

"Not my right not know what?" Lissa asked. "Come one, Nnd! You can tell me!"

"Sorry, Lissa." I apologized with a smile. "It's not my secret to tell."

Lissa puffed her cheeks. "That's no fun!" She complained.

"Lissa." I said, in a sincere tone that I didn't really use among the Shepherds."Don't push him on this. It's a big deal. I'm sure he'll tell you when he's comfortable enough."

Lissa's face softened from irritation to a gentle curiosity. "Will you?" She asked, looking up at Lon'qu.

The swordsman slightly blushed, looking away and saying nothing.

"...Alright!" Lissa exclaimed. " I have to go find some frogs for a secret project! Talk to you later!" She skipped out of the tent.

I turned my attention back to the cape, only to realize Lon'qu was still there.

"How do you know?" He asked.

"I'm in the business of knowing things." I replied, not looking up from my poor work. "Your secret's safe with me. I'm not going to charge you or anything for it. If anything, I'll try to make sure you're more comfortable."

Lon'qu remained silent.

"...This is the part where you thank me." I said.

"...Thanks."

I looked up. The swordsman was gone.

"Did I just get Batmaned?" I said to myself, before returning to my work.

* * *

_While I did interact with the other Shepherds, I'll admit my best friend was Robin. It makes sense, since he can support with anybody._

_I always found myself talking to him more than the others._

* * *

"You've noticed, right?" I asked Robin, as we walked away from the stables. We had just finished out supply run and were heading to the training area.

"Noticed what?" Robin asked.

"You know, Sumia and Chrom?" I elaborated. "The doe-eyed stares, the blushing greetings, the obnoxious amounts of pies? Everyone's talking about it." That was a bit of an elaboration. Some people were talking about it. Stahl mentioned something. Lissa as well, but she sort of shipped her brother with everybody.

"Oh. Yeah, of course I have." Robin replied. "I just don't really care the personal drama of the team, as long as it doesn't affect their fighting skills."

"Really?" I asked, skeptically. "If that's the case, why do you keep pairing them up with each other?"

"They work well with each other." Robin replied, glaring at me.

"Admit it: You just like playing matchmaker with all your units!" I said, poking Robin's arm. He groaned in annoyance.

"Why are you asking about it? Does it have to do with how you were flirting with Sumia earlier?" Robin asked defensively.

"I wasn't flirting with Sumia." I replied.

"Really?" Robin said. "I recall you saying something about her being 'objectively prettier than you,' or something along those lines."

"That was a fact, not flirting." I replied. "Unless you happen to think I'm prettier than Sumia. In which case, I'm flattered, but not interested."

"It's not just that. " Robin said. "Chrom's told me he was worried about Lissa's fascination with you. He thinks that you're a bit of a flirt. Not as obnoxious as Virion, but that's more concerning to him."

"I wouldn't worry about Lissa." I said, waving my hand. "I'm sure she'll get over that once she spends more time with some of the eligible bachelors in the army."

"I think Ned might be right about this." Said-

* * *

_-Kellem! I forgot about Kellem! That tends to happen. I've been around the block so many times, yet I have no idea why this is. It's just a universal fact that he's forgettable. _

_Regardless of that, Kellem is fantastic! He's great._

* * *

"You're right about the bachelors, but you should remember that you're one of them." Robin commented.

I was about to correct him, but then I paused. The discussion of the concept of dating was one I didn't really want to get into with someone from a world where people seemed to get married after a few conversations. I could always say I was 'courting' my girlfriend, but I wanted to make sure I had a solid story for that one. I was slowly piecing together my backstory in my head, in order to make sure it sounded coherent as I slipped random pieces into conversations.

I suppose the pause was enough to get the point across, so I decided to misdirect him.

_"_Tell you what: let's make a bet." I said. "Kellem, you be our witness."

"What if I want a part in the bet?" Kellem asked.

"Do you want a part in the bet?" Robin asked.

"Not really." Kellem replied.

"What is this wager?" Robin asked.

"I bet you twenty gold that Lissa will be engaged by the end of the war." I said.

"Why would I take that bet?" Robin asked. "It's not unreasonable to think she'll be married by then. That bet is far too vague. She could even marry one of us."

"Fair enough." I said. "How about this: I bet that Lissa will wind up married to Lon'qu."

"Just Lon'qu?" Robin asked, surprised. "Are we talking about the same Lon'qu? Because the one I know is terrified of women."

"I could see it happening." I said. Popular ship or not, anyone with a trained eye could see the chemistry between them,

"And I win if she marries anyone else?" Robin asked, interested.

I could go either way on this. I would look much more ballsy if I kept the bet like this. However, Robin would have a greater chance of winning if I stood by this. On the other hand, if I had Robin pick someone specific, he would be able to make sure that they were scheduled to spend as much time together as possible. Lon'qu was already Lissa's bodyguard, so I wanted to keep that advantage.

"Sure." I replied. "I'm pretty confident about this."

"Even if it means you won't be able to flirt with Lissa anymore?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't flirt with people. I show off to everybody, not just women." I replied. "It's just fun. Do I come off as a flirt?"

"You do sometimes come off as a flirt." Kellem chimed in. "Not as bad as someone like Virion, but a flirt nonetheless."

"Huh." I said. I hadn't really noticed. That wasn't exactly what I was going for. If they thought I was bad, just wait till the meet Inigo."I'll try to work on that. So are you taking the deal or not?" I asked Robin, trying to change the subject.

Robin shrugged. "I'd be a fool not to. Might as well see how this goes."

We shook on it.

* * *

Robin's tent was a welcome escape from the unforgiving sun of the desert. I knew he was hard at work on our final assault on Gangrel, but some things couldn't wait.

The tactician looked up from his makeshift desk to meet my eyes. "Ned? Weren't you practicing with Olivia or whatever it is you two do together."

"I was, but Kellem just told me the most delightful news!" I exclaimed, dramatically extending my empty hand to Robin.

He looked at it for a few seconds, then groaned. "Seriously? You remembered?"

"Don't be mad at me! I'm not the one who just proposed to Lissa!" I exclaimed, before making a grabby motion with my extended hand.

Robin sighed, digging into the pockets of his jacket. "I thought for sure you were going to wind up with Lissa. If I'd known about Olivia back then-"

"And if I had known about Tharja, I'd have just extorted the money out of you as payment to not helping her seduce you." I countered. Robin grimaced, throwing an extra piece of gold into my hand. In my defense, he knew I was taken. He was just being an ass.

"Thank you." I said, pocketing the money. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go talk to Anna to see what sort of gift I can get for the happy couple." I felt kind of bad making bets based off of Lissa's love life, so hopefully this would clear my conscious.

"Give them my regards. I might be here awhile." He sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking back down at the map on his desk.

As I left the tent, I was tempted to re enter and console him, but I saw Chrom and Frederick heading toward the tent. They would be much more helpful then I would be, so I let them be.

Besides, tonight Olivia and I were performing for the camp. Given how nervous she was, I had suggested earlier that we get as much practice as possible beforehand.

* * *

_Sorry for jumping ahead like that, but I wanted to tell you who won that bet, and that was the only way to do it. Let's just go back to the start of the Plegian War._

* * *

**You'll notice that Ned's morals with romance are a bit...sketchy. Given the fact that this is technically a self insert story, I just want to clarify that this is leading somewhere and I'm not just a complete asshole.**

**Anyway, the next chapter will be a bit shorter, looking at Maribelle and Ricken's relationships with Ned.**


	9. The Blue Banana

Yeah, I had a little trouble with this chapter, but I like how it turned out.

* * *

_So Gangrel kidnaps Maribelle, which is a dick political move. Honestly, I recommend just letting things play out. Chrom fucks things up just the right amount to ensure that Gangrel causes the least amount of damage. Sure, he starts a war, but, if Gangrel doesn't get his way then, his next move will be something completely unpredictable. Better the devil you know, right?_

_Seriously, in retrospect, I have no idea why Chrom lets him join the Shepherds later. The guy was a monster._

_Anyway, we saved Maribelle, and she and Rickon joined our ranks. Maribelle is the definition of "uptown girl." I honestly didn't like her at first, but she grows on you. As long as you're on your best behavior around her, she'll like you._

_...Now I know what you're thinking. "There's no way The Bard would have good manners just to please some lady!"_

_That may be true, but there's one thing you don't know._

_I'm Irish, and, if there's one thing the Irish respect, it's how to have a nice and classy cup of tea._

* * *

"How do you like your tea, Eddard?" Maribelle asked, pouring two cups. In my efforts to bond with all of the Shepherds, I had decided to sit down and have tea with Maribelle.

I hadn't intended for "Eddard" to be what "Ned" was short for, but Aries gave me the idea back when we met. I liked it since it reminded me of Game of Thrones.

Hopefully things would go better for me then that Ned.

"I'm not used to whatever tea brand you're using, so just make it like you make Lissa's," I replied. I came to terms a while ago that I wouldn't be able to properly describe what Barry's Tea tasted like and was made of in order to get a proper bag of it, so I would just have to go with any sort of tea available. Beggars really can't be choosers.

"Why Lissa?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at me. It was to be expected, given how defensive Maribelle is of Lissa.

"Lissa just seems like the kind of person who enjoys a cup of tea close to the same way I do," I replied. "We can start there and work backward on future cups."

"Applying strategic thinking to a cup of tea? I didn't take you for a tactician, Eddard." Maribelle commented as she poured a surprising amount of cream and sugar into my cup.

Not that surprising, actually, given it was usually for Lissa.

"Well, I suppose Robin has been rubbing off on me," I replied. "He seems like a good influence."

"That could be argued." She replied, passing me my cup.

I took a sip of the tea. Maribelle did the same.

"So I take it you're nobility?" She asked.

I almost dropped the cup.

"Excuse me?" I replied, trying to hide how thrown off I was.

"You have proper table manners. The sort of table manners that implying finishing school. You hold yourself like anoble, when you aren't prancing around for the amusement of others. It's in those moments when you aren't paying attention, the moments you think no one is watching. That is when your noble upbringing shows itself." Maribelle calmly explained, before calmly taking another sip of tea.

* * *

_I wasn't raised nobly, just to clarify. I just have proper table manners. I suppose that's one of the differences between our world and Fire Emblem's world._

* * *

"You've been watching me rather closely, I see," I said, trying to hide my nerves. I was not prepared to have to present a backstory this soon, but I suppose I am supporting with Maribelle right now.

"I've had reason to." She replied. "I have the highest respect for Chrom, but he does tend to be pretty relaxed when it comes to recruiting new members."

"Have there been problems in the past?" I asked. If I remembered correctly, Chrom's recruiting methods were only really criticized by the fandom and were never really brought up in the game. It would be interesting to see what the reality of his methods was.

"No. All of his prompt recruitments have tended to work out." Maribelle admitted. "Virion proved himself to be a skilled archer, despite his personality. Robin's strategic intellect is the one thing keeping many of us alive on the battlefield and you…"

"...are also helpful?" I suggested. It was a rather rude pause.

"...Sure." She said. I couldn't really blame her. I had a little trouble myself trying to figure out what exactly I brought to the table aside from a quick wit and a nice song.

I thought I had managed to dodge the original question, but Maribelle wasn't one to forget.

"Are you a lost prince of sorts, by any chance?" She speculated. "From the dramatic way you present yourself, I wouldn't be surprised if you were some runaway prince, seeking his true love or some fairytale nonsense like that."

I sighed.

Alright. Time to lie.

"...You're right. I actually do have some nobility in me." I falsely admitted. She took a few seconds to congratulate herself with a small smile for being right. In those seconds, I thought of all the fantasy books I've read to figure out what order of hierarchy there was in medieval times. "I'm the...son of...a...baron," I said, praying it wasn't too high-ranking to be noticeable.

"Just a baron?" Maribelle said as if she expected me to be a higher rank. It was sort of flattering.

I had to pretend to be offended, however. "JUST a baron? My father is…" Oh, this might be fun… "...was a great man."

"Was?" Maribelle asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid he has passed on," I replied solemnly. Not true. My dad was alive and well in a different dimension.

I could already feel the story forming on my lips.

"Doesn't that make you the new baron?" Maribelle asked. "Unless you have an older brother, of course."

* * *

_In hindsight, I should have just gone with what she said._

_However, it didn't really fit the story, and, for some reason, Iwant to be honest about who my siblings were. I didn't like everything I said to be a lie._

* * *

"Actually, I have an older sister," I replied. "I was never really trained to rule. My father didn't really think to plan ahead that much. I learned how to fight and play music and sing, and nothing about politics or how to run a...a place a baron runs. See? I'm so unprepared that I don't even know the name of the area my father ruled."

"Barons attend to kings," Maribelle informed me. "So you must be known about in your kingdom."

Shit. Make some shit up.

"Why do you think I'm all the way out here?" I asked. "No one will recognize me."

"And what about your father's land?" She asked. "Who's the new baron, since you ran away from your duty?"

There was bitterness in her voice.

"My duty right now is to help Chrom save the world. I can do whatever baron stuff I need to do later." I said, before realizing that Chrom wasn't saving the world right now, he was just at war.

Maribelle didn't seem to notice. "I understand that, but who's in charge now?"

"My older sister," I replied confidently. "She's far more capable of fitting the role then I was. I left the place in good hands."

"And why did you leave?" Maribelle asked. "Couldn't you just stay home. The life of a baroness's brother is still a rather lofty life."

"It wasn't the life I wanted," I replied, despite actually really liking the appeal of that life. "I always wanted to be able to spread my wings, make a name for myself. Something different than the name of my family."

"In that case, I would assume 'Eddard' isn't your real name," Maribelle said. "You wouldn't want to be recognized by anyone who knew of your family."

"Well, you're not wrong," I admitted, arguably one of the only honest things I had said throughout the conversation.

Although, now that I think about it, it was really more of an interrogation.

"And what would that lost name be, if you don't mind me asking?" Maribelle asked, raising one of her eyebrows.

"Let me have some mysteries, my lady," I said, smiling as I took another sip of tea.

So cool.

* * *

_Maribelle did sort of grill me, but it was a good chance to build up my back story. _

_When you have to figure out your past, make sure you have your story straight. People like Maribelle will do their research as I found out later._

_Anyway, let's move on to the other addition to the group after the rescue mission: Ricken!_

_Ricken's not that hard to get along with, as long as you respect him._

_And I did._

_For the most part._

* * *

"Come on, Ned!" The young mage said. "You're a bard! You have to know a few good stories!"

"Yeah! Come on, Ned!" Lissa added. "It's either this or a song!"

"Come now, Lissa," I said. "You know a song costs extra."

"Well, are you sure you don't know any stories?" Ricken asked.

"Oh, I know stories," I said. "Lots of stories. Like the story of the blue banana."

Lissa and Rickon ooed and sat down in front of me.

"Long ago, there was a boy who, for all his life, wanted to be a music conductor. He trained with any musicians he could. Eventually, he was allowed to conduct in the largest music hall in his country. He had a band of the most talented musicians in the land, each of them warriors in their spare time. The conductor began conducting. He conducted them to play the most beautiful ballad they knew. The crowd, however, couldn't hear them. He instructed them to play louder, but the crowd still couldn't hear them. He kept conducting them to play louder and louder, not noticing the cracks in the music hall's foundation. Eventually, he had them play so loudly, the walls came tumbling down, killing everyone in the hall except for the conductor. The conductor was sentenced to death by lightning tomb for his crimes."

"That's a thing?" Ricken asked.

"You'll see," I replied. "Anyway, the conductor had one last request before he died. He asked for a blue banana. The only problem with this was that blue bananas could only be found on a remote island in the middle of the sea, surrounded by monsters and storms. A group of sailors was gathered to travel to the island and get the blue banana."

"Why would they go through so much trouble?" Lissa asked. "He was a criminal."

"Because it was his last request," I replied. "It's honorable to fulfill the last request. It's the kind of thing your brother would do."

"That's not really a good thing," Lisa said.

"Yeah…" I admitted.

"Hey!" Ricken exclaimed. "Chrom's great!"

"I agree, and I think he's an honorable guy," I said. "Anyway, back to the story. So this group of sailors set out on their mission to the island of the blue banana. Along the way, they got caught up in some bad weather. A few of the sailors fell into the water and drowned. This was terrible, and it became even worse when a few sea monsters were attracted to the corpses in the water. They attacked the boat, hoping to shake out some more bodies. They managed to kill a few more sailors, but the ship escaped from their grasp. The remaining sailors made it and had to traverse the dangerous island to find the blue banana tree, which could only be found in the middle of a box canyon in the middle of the island. It was a treacherous trip, full of dangerous wildlife, deadly plants, and mortal illnesses. Eventually, the remaining sailors made it to the tree, and picked one of the bananas."

"Yeah!" Lissa and Rickon cheered. "They made it!"

"And then they had to make the trip back," I said. "It was just as deadly as the trip there. Out of all 100 sailors that left for the trip, only one determined sailor, who was considered the runt of the litter, returned, covered in blood, lacking his innocence, and carrying one blue banana."

"Oh no…"

"The banana was given to the prisoner, who ate it happily. The prisoner was brought to the execution chamber. He was stripped bare and soaked in water. The mage asked him if he had any last words. The prisoner said nothing. The mage blasted him with the strongest blast of lightning he could."

I paused for dramatic effect.

"...But the prisoner didn't die."

"WHAT?!" Lissa exclaimed.

"It must have been the banana," Rickon commented.

"Hold on, we're almost done," I said. "The mage released the prisoner and told him he was free to go. However, before the man left, the conductor asked him 'What was in that banana?' The man looked at him and said…"

I paused. Lissa and Rickon leaned in.

"...'Nothing. I guess I'm just a bad conductor.'"

I grinned at my audience.

* * *

_You know that anime thing where the character have small, white eyes?_

_That happened._

_They didn't take the pun well. Neither of them talked to me for like a week after that._

_It was worth it._

* * *

Up next, we have an assassination attempt, a thief, and a rabbit lady! Stay tuned!


	10. Profits, Pies, and Assassins

_So, let me explain why I'm updating this story:_

_I do a lot of writing for my school, mainly writing plays for the theatre program. There's something really satisfying about writing something and having people recognize you for it. However, between that and schoolwork, all of my creative energies were being used up, so I was planning on letting most of my stories off. Actually, I was planning on writing a really long chapter summarizing the plot beyond where I left off (because believe it or not, there IS a plot to this story.)_

_Even though I wasn't updating it, this story kept getting faves and follows and I wasn't sure why. So I checked it out, and it turned out that someone put the story up on TV Troupes FanFic Recs page. _

_Now that a lot of people were looking at it, I realized I might as well finish it (even though I'm not near the end right now. Like I said, it's long.) It actually gave me a bit of a break from playwriting, which really helped me with dialogue, but not so much with all the other things involved with writing._

_Actually, after posting that last chapter, I got a review from the guy that posted the story on Tv Troupes. Long story short, this story has a new beta writer: _**_robotortoise!_**

_This chapter got really long because I decided to add a tangent scene and three character tips!_

_Stay tuned to the end of the chapter for a special announcement!_

* * *

Three assassins were standing near a window in the castle. I'm not sure what they were pausing for, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to attack.

Plus, I really wanted to try something.

I opened up my wind tome, focused all my energy on pulling out as much wind as I could, and I pushed.

…

That...That window was not open.

Well, now it was. It's very open.

Open in the 'was something broken?' sense of being open.

Because I broke it.

And filled those guys with glass.

…

...Really hope none of them were Gaius.

I ran down the castle hallways, trying to figure out what to do next.

That was the thing I never understood about Robin as a tactician. It was medieval times, so there was no real way for us to communicate our success. We just had to have faith that everyone was doing their job.

My orders were to make sure there weren't any stragglers in other areas of the castle. I decided that I would just keep patrolling the halls and attack anyone who wasn't me or another Shepherd.

As I turned the corner, I came across three people who weren't me and one who was.

"Aries?" I said, surprised to see my future counterpart here.

"Oh, hey mini-me!" he said, fencing three enemy soldiers at once.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Hold on a second," he said, focusing on the soldiers. He twirled around the three of them and threw a tome in the air. It began to float and orbit around him. Aries swung his sword and a gust of wind pushed back the three soldiers.

Aries quickly moved forward and impaled the soldier in the center. As he kicked the body off of his blade, he gestured to one of the soldiers. A blast of fire came out of the tome and knocked the soldier down.

The remaining soldier managed to gain his bearings and ran to strike Aries. Aries reached onto the soldier on his sword, took a small dagger, and threw it at the remaining soldier, hitting him in the shoulder. He pushed his open hand toward the soldier and hit him in the head with the tome. Aries calmly walked over to the grounded soldier and slit his throat.

Wow. I'm fucking awesome.

"I'm fucking awesome," he said. "I didn't even thing that knife thing would work."

"What are you even doing here?" I asked, walking around one of the dead bodies. "What if someone sees you? What if Lucina sees you?"

"You don't have to worry about that," Aries replied. "I'm just checking in. Figured you could use some extra defense during this whole shindig."

I know me. 30 years older or not, I know how I deal with emotional stuff.

"I know you're lying," I said.

"When aren't we lying?" he asked.

Wow. It's pretty weird to watch me being emotionally evasive from a different point of view.

"...Look, I saw this go wrong before." He sighed, looking away with a distant look in his eyes. "I know that we already knew that the assassination was going to happen, but it was still really hard to deal with when it happened. It confirmed I was in the doomed timeline. It was a death sentence. At least, I thought it was. I know that Lucina will make sure everything goes alright, but I'd just prefer the peace of mind, you know?"

It made sense, I suppose. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Aries was a version of me that went through some shit. Regardless of how confident I was in the rules of the world, I suppose, after 30 years of random chaos I'd want to make sure bad things didn't happen again.

"...I'll take you reflective silence as a sign of agreement," Aries said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I actually do have to get out of here before someone spots me." He began to make his way down the hall.

"Wait!" I exclaimed. Aries stopped.

I felt like I should have more questions for him, but I couldn't for the life of me think of anything.

"...Can you fly?" I asked, not able to think of anything else.

"...No," he replied, confused.

And he left.

* * *

Gaius is pretty easy to get along with. He's like that cool friend you have, usually the one that has a bad track record with women.

Not to say that Gaius does.

I mean, he does. I've been around the block enough times to have a pretty good idea about his romantic past, and let me tell you, it really says a lot that he winds up settling down with one of the Shepherds.

Also, dude has a killer sweet tooth.

Like, watch yourself.

* * *

"So," I said.

"So," Gaius said.

"Last piece of apple pie in the mess hall," I said.

"Sure is," Gaius said.

"I'm sure you agree we can't split this."

"No, we cannot."

"So I guess that puts us in a pretty tricky position."

"It sure does."

"So how do you suppose we work around this?"

"We could both decide we've had enough."

"I suppose that makes sense. We've both already had slices already."

"That we have."

"But that's not gonna happen, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"Alright. So we're doing this."

"I suppose we are."

"Swords or bows?"

"We're both better with swords."

"Exactly, so we should level the playing field."

"So bows."

"Right. Dull points, of course."

"Right. We aren't going to kill each other over this."

"Right. That would be insane."

"Right."

"Right."

"Hey!" Stahl exclaimed. "There's some pie left!" He walked between me and Gaius, picked up the slice, ate it in one bite, and left.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...So, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Catch you later."

* * *

If we're talking about people who were invited after the assassination, we've got to talk about Panne.

Panne is...very cool. Like, yeah, she's cool in an "interesting cool" way, but she's also cool in a "has her shit together" kind of way.

At first, it'll be really hard to bond with her. When she enters the army, she's a bit on the defensive around "man-spawn" and whatnot, which is understandable, considering what she's been through.

Just give her some time. She'll warm up to people, and, when she does, she's, like, the mom-est person on the team.

* * *

One day, after a sunny day training, I had found a tree to lie under. It sat on top of a hill and provided enough shade for me to sit back and relax. I was casually strumming on the lute, not playing any songs, so it was just random notes. I was actually starting to doze off a little.

I'll admit it was a bit of a stereotypical image, but it was nice.

"You."

I opened one eye and saw a pair of very brown eyes.

"You're kinda in my personal bubble," I said to Panne.

"I don't see any bubble around you," she said.

"It just means you're a little too close to me right now," I explained.

"Right. You could have just said that," she said, backing up. She didn't say anything else as she looked down on me.

"...Can I help you?" I asked. This was getting a little awkward.

"What is that?" she asked, pointing at the lute.

"Oh, it's a lute," I replied. "It plays music."

She looked at me, and I began to pray that she knew what music was. I didn't want to have to try and explain music.

"How does it work?" she asked.

That's actually a little worse. I don't have a clue how it works. I mean, I might know a little, but I'll have to fill in the blanks.

"Well… it has these strings here, that, when plucked, make noises." I said, patting the ground next to me. Panne looked at me and sat down, getting a better look at the lute.

"But how do they make different sounds?" she asked.

"I have to hold the strings at certain...parts on the...stem of the lute to make different chords," I said, as I began to dive into my lack of knowledge of lutes. I was getting most of this on my minor knowledge of guitars. "And then the sounds echo in the hole thing and it makes music."

"...Why?" she asked.

"...I mean, that probably has to do with a bunch of sound science I don't really know," I said.

"Why go through all the trouble?" Panne clarified. "It's my understanding that man-spawn and taguel can both make pleasing sounds with their mouths."

"Wait," I said. "Taguel sing?"

"We don't call it 'singing.' We use the sounds to send messages between packs, and our ears are sensitive enough to hear it," she explained.

"Well, I'd love to hear it, if you don't mind," I said.

"Very well," she said. "I suppose it would be interesting to see how it compares to man-spawn music."

She took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and-

* * *

Imagine someone running their nails against a chalkboard.

Now imagine someone had a thousand nails, and all those nails are made of smaller chalkboards.

Panne sounded like that, but amplified a thousand times.

I'm pretty sure I saw a few birds fall out of the sky. I would have been worried about us attracting Risen, bandits, or anything dangerous, but this wasn't the kind of noise you wanted to move toward.

* * *

"What do you think?" Panne asked.

My body wanted to deflate.

"It's...unique," I replied. "What...what does that mean?"

"It's a common territory call," she replied. "The noise lingers in the ears of taguel, marking the territory of various warrens. I suppose there's no real use for it now since I am the last of my kind." She paused. "What effect does it have on man-spawn ears?"

"...It sure has one," I replied. This was getting to an 'I don't want to diss your culture' territory. "You should definitely show it to Robin. He'll love it."

Maybe there was some kind of strategic advantage.

Or maybe it would just annoy him.

I was alright with both.

* * *

You're not going to know when you have to deal with Anna. You just sort of eventually stumble on her and she joins you guys. I'm not even completely convinced it's the same Anna. It's entirely possible that the first Anna you meet joins the army, and then all the other Annas see there's already an Anna on the team and don't join.

Anyway, regardless, you might think there's some trick to dealing with Anna. Like, maybe there's some secret thing you can use to connect with her.

No.

She wants gold.

Always.

* * *

"Hm."

"..."

"Maybe...No, that wouldn't work."

"...Um…"

"I suppose I could... Nah, nobody would pay for that…"

"Anna?" I said, turning around to the merchant. "What are you talking about?"

"Huh?" Anna asked. "Oh, nothing. Just musing on some future business opportunities."

"...Does it have anything to do with the fact that you've been following me for five minutes?"

"It actually does," she said, giving me a look. It reminded me of my month as a door-to-door salesman, when the people I would shadow were talking their way into a deal. It wasn't exactly "eyes-with-giant-dollar-signs," but it was building up to it. "I think you could be a real money maker, but I can't figure out how…"

"Well, I'm a bard," I said. "I feel like you'd want to go the music route, because my music is pretty great, if I do say so myself. People come from miles to hear to wondrous melodies I birth with my lute!" Immediately after I said that, I realized I might want to avoid giving her ideas.

"But that's just it!" Anna exclaimed. "You're able to play at taverns or whatever, and you get paid, but how does that make ME money?"

"...I don't really know," I replied. "That seems like an 'Anna' problem."

"Right, and there are a lot of Annas!" she responded. "There has to be something! Maybe I could rent you out?"

"I really don't need you to be my manager," I said. "I'm more of a word-of-mouth kind of guy." Although the words mainly came from my mouth.

"I suppose you're right…" she said. "That would take WAY too much time, and most of the money would go to you... That's it!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

"What's it?" I asked.

"We need to make you famous!" she exclaimed. "Once people know who you are, I can sell new merchandise to all those hapless suckers!"

"Isn't Chrom already famous?" I asked. "Why not just cash in on that prince action?"

"I would if I could, but my sister Anna already cornered the market on royal family merchandise!" she said. "I need a new icon, and who better than Ned Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is, Bard of the Eastern Coast!" She put a finger to her cheek. "Actually, let's drop the 'Ned' part. It's a little anticlimactic."

"It's my name!" I exclaimed.

"Find a cooler one!" she said, taking out a notepad and scribbling something down, before walking away.

A part of me almost wanted to say 'Like Aries?', but I didn't.

There's no way this could end well.

* * *

Also, small heads up about Anna: You know how I said everyone in the world is beautiful? Well, a good fraction of them know it, but Anna is one of those people who uses it to her advantage. If you give her any reason to believe she can flirt her way into your wallet, she'll eat you up.

I have seen more Outsiders get wrapped around her finger then I have with almost every other Shepherd. Whether or not they fall for each other is irrelevant. She's going to test how well you can deal with attention from insanely attractive people.

You would think people would have the same problem with Tharja, but her open contempt for everyone not Robin is a turn-off for a lot of Outsiders…unless you're into that.

* * *

I'm pretty good at basic character analysis, but I'm interested in hearing your advice! If you have any advice for a self-insert into Awakening, let me know in the reviews! I'll post any of them at the end of the chapters, and even incorporate them into the story, depending on if it fits!

And no, this isn't because I had to read Panne's entire TV Troupes character entry to get a feel for her character.

Don't throw around accusations like that.

Anyway, leave a review!


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